Men who can’t cook, clean, or even do their own laundry are not “cute” and “in need of a woman to care for them”. They are spoiled brats so dependent on gender roles that they never bothered to learn the minimal skills to take care of themselves.
me everytime a character in a movie has to get a few drops of their blood for some ritual bullshit (via jtoday)
WHILE WE’RE AT IT, why do people try to cross those skinny bridges over lava/chasms/whatever by walking upright. IT’S CALLED CENTER OF GRAVITY. get on your hands and knees and crawl across that thing. HUG IT. SCOOT YOUR BUTT ACROSS. “but i look stupid!” lalalala but we’ll avoid that ~dramatic moment~ where you almost fall over and die because your damn fucking self wanted to look COOL
and stop yanking IV lines out of your arms the minute you wake up in the hospital
That is a broadsword, why are you fencing with it
There is a freaking door right there. Stop smashing through windows, damn it.
yes, mr. action hero, I am aware that running dramatically from the baddies at breakneck speed is important, but know what else is important? NOT GETTING SHOT. RUN IN A FUCKING ZIGZAG PATTERN ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THE MOOKS WERE NOT COACHED IN MARKSMANSHIP BY THE IMPERIAL STORMTROOPERS.
Oh, hey, you there, sneaky hero-type breaking into any place for any reason? WEAR SOME FUCKING GLOVES. They’re called fingerprints, dumbass. You have them and you’re putting them all over the fucking place.
If something really fucking huge is falling on you, don’t FUCKING RUN ALONG THE LENGTH JUST TAKE LIKE TWO FUCKING STEPS TO THE SIDE
wEAR A FUCKING HELMET OBERYN YOU LITTLE SHIT
I don’t think I could ever date a good actor like he could tell me he loves me and I’d be like nah you said it much more convincingly to kate winslet try again
So apparently no one should ever buy sugarless Haribo gummy bears
Fun fact: I once bought sugar free gummy bears.
This is exactly what happened
Petition for Youtubers to start doing the “Sugarless Gummy Bear Challenge”
FINALLY I FIND THIS SO I CAN SHOW THE WORLD THIS HAS TO BE SEEN
my cousins ate a bunch of these once and got sick as hell
my mom told me it’s because they ate too much candy
now i know it was a LIE
I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD AT WHAT WAS ESSENTIALLY A POOP JOKE
Jan 10th, 2014. We did this in the ER because everyone who works in the ER is 6 yrs old. It takes about 2-3 hrs before you begin to feel like you are straight up going to shit your pants. I was on the toilet for an hour. Then I tried to take a shower. I shat myself in the shower.
It was the funniest thing I will ever fucking do.
It only takes a handful.
REAL TALK IF THERES A FIRE AT MY SCHOOL I AM NOT WALKING IN AN ORDERLY FASHION AND THEN GETTING MY NAME MARKED OFF IM RUNNING FOR MY LIFE AND IM TAKING MY GOD DAMN BAG WITH ME
one time there was an unscheduled fire alarm and i just happened to have my bag on my shoulder when it went off so my teacher made me go back into what, to his knowledge, was a burning building so i could put my bag back
whenever i have those brutal searing being-dissolved-from-inside period cramps during school or work i pretend i am a viking warlord who has been stabbed in the abdomen but i killed the assailant so i’m the only one who knows im injured and i have to carry on normally til the end of the battle to keep up my mens morale
this is good
Gonna adopt this method of dealing
a bunch of girls commented their numbers on harry’s instagram pics and i am gonna be that asshole that texts them pretending its harry
i fucking love myself